The Absence of a Swordsman
by CeruleanRipTide
Summary: Roronoa Zoro's dream is to become the world's greatest swordsman. When certain circumstances lead him from his course of travel, Zoro will have to make the hardest decision of his life. Is the desire of dreams greater than the strength of nakama? Ch. 3 Up
1. The Decision

**The Absence of a Swordsman**

* * *

000100

Summary: "If I get your swords, you have to join my pirate crew!" "You little devil. Fine I'll join your crew, but if you stand in the way of me achieving my dream I'll make you wish I killed you from the moment we met." "Haha! Got it." Roronoa Zoro's dream is to become the world's greatest swordsman. When certain circumstances lead him from his course of travel, Zoro will have to make the hardest decision of his life. Is the desire of dreams greater than the strength of nakama?

A/N: This is not supposed to be ZoLu, but if you interpret it the wrong way it can be.  I love that pairing anyways. Lol. But enjoy however you want to interpret it. Oh! And the scene below… I wasn't exactly sure of the words they used, so I just kind of put the gist of it in there rather than word for word. Please R & R!!!

* * *

000

_Those intense eyes… wide and childish at first glance by any standards. But there was always that look that held a deeper and … more respectful meaning. He had that in his eyes then, as he made that absurd, sly request of his. _

"_If I get your swords back, you have to join my pirate crew!"_

_What a scoundrel he is. It's that sort of thing that makes me follow him as his nakama. It's what makes me stay with him and risk myself with him, for him. _

"_You devil. Fine, I'll join your crew, but if you stand in the way of me achieving my dream I'll make you wish I killed you from the moment we met."_

_My threat still holds true. Although now, it's more difficult to say. As I spend more time with him… and not just him, but all of my nakama… it's hard to choose. How can I choose? _

"_Haha! Got it!" _

_How can I say good-bye to that? To them…_

_To him…_

001

It had come to his attention a few days ago…

Dinner started as normal when Sanji announced to the crew of its completion. An overzealous captain all but knocked down the door at the mention of food and a motley crew followed suit, praying that they had arrived before their comrade had devoured all of their food. Though the girls were assured of their own plates, Luffy wouldn't dare touch them anymore. Not after the last time when Sanji had brutally kicked him through a wall for touching Nami's plate.

The blonde counted each member as they flew past him, adding in a bow and a swoon as he was about to follow in the two female members. However, he paused when he realized they were still missing someone and he stopped to look for his green haired partner who was unaccounted for.

Sanji could hear the slow dull and heavy footsteps of his irritable nakama and he tapped his own foot impatiently, waiting for his appearance. Zoro eventually made his way into Sanji's view and the blonde shot him an annoyed look, making a provoking comment about his tardiness. All he received in return was a yawn and the words "Be quiet," before he followed the green haired man into the galley, letting the door close behind them.

Dinner was well on its way and was almost over. There were bits of random conversation and arguments provided by the ever-entertaining crew as they ate and fought for their food.

Sanji used this as time to watch and observe his companions. As much as he saw his crewmates as family, he also saw them as customers of his trade. Being a chef, he took pride in watching the reactions of the Strawhats as they ate.

Luffy would eat anything so Sanji didn't really count his opinion for much though his vigor was a reward in its own. Nami and Robin would always politely tell him that the food was amazing. Chopper and Usopp would also exclaim their approvals. But the opinion that he really looked forward to the most, despite his own irritation for the man, was Zoro's. Zoro was always brutally honest in everything and as much as he loved the girl's praise, he did like to know the truth, and Zoro would give it to him… though he was also fairly convinced the man had no taste buds.

But that night, Zoro would not finish his food and passed it off to Luffy. Sanji frowned a bit at this gesture, but did not say anything since the food was not wasted. Maybe the swordsman just wasn't hungry. After all, he hadn't exactly rushed to dinner.

The following night during dinner, Sanji was again left annoyed at the green haired man's behavior. He watched the swordsman fiddle around with his food a bit before offering it up to the hyenas who quickly took it without a second thought, almost taking Zoro's hand with it. Maybe the dish just wasn't to his fancy…

Now, Sanji was preparing dinner for tonight. He had observed the swordsman all day… well, when he wasn't already cooking or swooning over Nami-swan and Robin-chwan. During his observations he had noticed that his bicker buddy seemed a little off, like something might be troubling him.

So being the nice guy he was, he prepared the swordsman's favorite dishes: some white rice with fresh sea king meat on the side and a nice big bottle of ale. He felt his cigarette shift positions as he smiled at his handy work. Maybe it would bring Zoro out of his dumps and they could start up their arguments that seemed to happen so little these days. He hated worrying about the bastard. That wasn't how things were supposed to go between them.

Yes, the swordsman irked him to no end and he didn't understand the man's way of thinking. His lack of manners, his bluntness, and habits all made him want to argue with the man and his fiery passion just kindled it into a wildfire. It was nothing personal between them really, it just happened. And he enjoyed those moments though few where the two of them could be civil with each other.

And as much as the man brought him to the edge of his sanity and temperament, they were still nakama and nothing would change that. It was never said between them, but underneath their constant arguments, there lied a strong yet silent friendship. And when cooperation was needed they could make an amazing team.

After setting the table Sanji called out to the crew to let them know their dinner was ready. The blonde stayed back in the galley to fend off Luffy's wandering arms from Zoro's specially prepared plate. Again the swordsman came in after everyone had been situated, though none had really noticed that the plate reserved for Zoro was any different than their own.

The former pirate hunter made his way into the galley and took his seat and Sanji watched him like a hawk with his one uncovered eye, taking in his facial expressions, or lack thereof, and his intake.

But to Sanji's surprise, Zoro didn't even notice that they were his favorites and instead had taken a small bite of his meat and eaten a few grains of rice. He took a swig of ale and allowed Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper to fight over his specially made meal.

Zoro had barely touched his food or his _alcohol_ of all things.

Something was wrong with Zoro and Sanji couldn't tell what, and it bothered him. He wasn't sure if the others had noticed this, but he sure had. It frustrated him to no end. Zoro was not eating his food nor thanking him for his consideration. The swordsman barely even fought with him about it anymore and really all it did was make the blonde worry. He didn't want to really admit it, but he was starting to worry about the big oaf and this admittance only added gasoline to a raging fire.

As Zoro left the galley that night, Sanji threw a well-placed kick to the back of Zoro's head for not eating his food. Zoro then promptly turned around and glared at the cook before turning away to leave again.

Not a word.

Nothing.

Sanji chewed on the end of his cigarette and furrowed his brow. Something was wrong with Zoro.

002

The dark circles were what gave it away.

Chopper had been retreating back to his little office to make some more Rumble Balls for himself when he spotted Zoro at the railing of the Going Merry. He was just staring at the retreating sun and the scene seemed normal enough that the reindeer was going to just pass by it… that is until he noticed the dark circles forming under the swordsman's eyes.

It could have just been the light playing on the green haired man's features, but on a careful observation, the little doctor could tell they were real.

He then started to notice other features.

The circles.

Sluggish posture.

Off balance.

Droopy eyes.

Zoro was suffering from lack of sleep. Either he had recently become an insomniac or the swordsman was bothered by something.

Chopper stopped in his tracks and frowned slightly. Normally Zoro would tell the crew straight out what he was thinking, he rarely ever hid it from them. He was open like that and that's what Chopper had always liked about the man. The thought of one of his idols and nakama hiding things from him and the others hurt his sensitive little heart and he wondered briefly if he should confront the man about this directly, or if he should inform the crew of his theory first.

"Did you need something?" the harsh voice snapped Chopper from his thoughts and he looked up at Zoro who was still staring off in the distance, though he now dawned a look of annoyance across his brow.

Normally the snap would have hurt his feelings as well, but Chopper knew that if what he speculated was true, then Zoro really didn't mean to sound as callous as he had.

"N-no!" He quickly turned and ran into the direction of his initial goal.

Irritability.

_Another sign of no sleep_, he thought to himself as he opened his door and shut it, left to ponder his course of action.

003

"Hahaha! You'll never be able to catch me!" Usopp ran for his dear life across the deck of the Going Merry. "I was once the world champion in tag!"

"No way!" The ship's little doctor exclaimed as he too ran in the opposite direction of his long nosed friend. To be able to outrun the people involved in a _world_ championship was an incredible feat as far as Chopper was concerned.

Currently there was a game of tag taking place on the Strawhat crew's deck between three of the youngest and most avid members: Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper. Luffy was "it."

"So cool!" The long nose could hear his captain explain. Hook, line, and sinker.

Usopp had a silly grin plastered on his face, hoping his bluff would cause Luffy to go after Chopper versus himself. Tag was very difficult and slightly unfair with Luffy as "it." He was able to stretch his arms faster than he could run and when he tagged you it was like being slammed into a wall. So Usopp did the natural thing, try and turn Luffy's attention to someone else. Poor Chopper… He would have to say a prayer for him.

However, Usopp felt his long nose hit the ground and bend as he gained some unanticipated close and personal time with Merry's deck.

"Luffy!" He groaned a bit when he sat up expecting a grinning and laughing captain behind him… but he was sure that he was nowhere near Luffy and instead glanced down when there was no smiling face and where there happened to be a barbell that more than likely belonged to a specific swordsmen.

And sure enough a few feet to his right was said green haired man, routinely lifting his weights. And as the long nose stared at his crewmate the clockwork began ticking. If he could get Zoro to join in the game he would probably be able to use him as a shield or a protector or something. He snickered as he imagined Zoro defending him against "it."

"_I will never let you take my captain, Captain Usopp!"_

This seemed like a very good idea.

"Zoro-!" he started to call to his nakama, but paused in mid call. The swordsman seemed to be giving off some sort of dangerous aura that told his instincts to leave the man alone. And as he watched him lift his weights, he could hear the strain in his grunts and huffs. His eyes were almost in a dream like state. His muscles were taught with veins popped out, decorating the man like a Christmas tree.

Zoro really was an intimidating man, but Usopp knew him as the guy who he could joke around and laugh with. Zoro would never hurt one of his nakama…

But right now, as Usopp saw him, he decided he didn't want to be on the wrong end of his sword. He seemed… irritable? Intense? … He wasn't sure how to put it, but either way it looked like the man needed his space.

Usopp's reflection on his nakama was cut short however as he once again found himself smooching the deck with what he was sure of was a large hand print on his back.

"Usopp! You're it!" He could hear his captain yell from across the deck. Damn! He had let his guard down! Usopp pried himself up again and turned around.

"Haha! Better run quickly my underlings for Captain Usopp!! Master tagger!! Is on his way!" Usopp decided it would be best to go for Chopper now since the poor little reindeer couldn't run as fast as he could and Luffy could stretch to high spots in an instant. It was almost too unfair.

Sparing one last glance at his teammate, Usopp got up, careful not to trip on the weight again and left the scene.

004

Nami glanced out her little circular window to see the bright sun pouring into her nice and neat room. She had been inside all day drawing maps from their adventures in the Grand Line so far only being outside for the few seconds it takes her to get to the galley for breakfast.

She sat back and stretched her lean back muscles and let out a sigh of exasperation though her face managed a smile.

How long had it been since she had started this journey with Luffy and Zoro? She remembered the first time they had met and how she had thought the two of them were crazy for going up against Buggy the Clown.

She laughed to herself a little bit at the thought of that. She had been so scared of dying that time, but looking back on it she feels as though if she were to meet him again that she could take care of him herself… She had grown stronger… They had all grown stronger…

They had all been through so much with each other…

So many tears were made…

So much blood was shed…

So many laughs…

So many dreams…

Her nakama were her family though not blood related, they were all closer to each other than any brothers or sisters could be. She always felt safe with them, knowing that her Captain and the rest of her crewmates would willingly die for her sake… and she felt pride in herself that she would do the same.

They had included her in the adventure of a lifetime.

And she couldn't be more thankful…

More happy…

To be rid of the burden of Arlong and living out her life and dream. Risking it all for the sake of becoming the best there is and for her Captain who she had all the faith in the world would be able to take them there.

Nami took another glance towards her window and then down at her papers before smiling at them and getting up to go get a breath of fresh air.

As she opened the door she was hit with the smell of the salty sea and the everlasting noise produced by her nakama.

She moved over to the railing and leaned over to observe her family functions. From first glance she could see Robin sitting ever quietly reading her book, a soft and sly smile on her face. However she looked up for a second as something caught her attention. Nami followed her gaze to Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp who were making strange faces at each other and the navigator felt her face fall slightly as she gave a tired smile. Those three were so weird… But that's what made her happy, they were all so different.

Nami glanced below her however as she heard the galley door open and she half expected Sanji to emerge with some form of drink for her and Robin. But what came out was not just a blonde, but a mop of short green hair as well.

"Oi! Just where do you think you're going?!" she watched the cook yell after the swordsman who pointedly ignored the call for attention. "Oi! Marimo! Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you." She shut her eyes for a second as Sanji brought a leg around to kick Zoro in the head and she heard a dull thud as it connected.

When she opened her eyes Sanji's leg remained against the side of Zoro's head who looked as though he hadn't even flinched…

"Stupid swordsman!" She heard Sanji's voice and she noticed something in his eyes, which caused her to look back at Zoro.

Normally by now Zoro was at least arguing and more importantly defending himself from Sanji's brutal kicks. Was something wrong with Zoro?

Zoro's head made a slight tip in Sanji's direction and she felt a little weight lift off her chest.

"Leave me alone. My head is killing me." That was it? Was that the best complaint he could come up with?

She quickly darted her eyes to Sanji who looked like he was shaking in anger.

"What is wrong with you la-!"

"_**Sanji**_!" Sanji was cut off by the deep voice of Zoro. And surprisingly the blonde stopped.

_Sanji_?

Had Zoro just used Sanji's first name? He sounded so angry when he said it too… Nami bit her lip at the scene and quickly turned her head to look at the blonde.

He appeared to be in a state of shock… His curly brow was upturned and he looked for lack of better words… _worried_.

Sanji worried about Zoro? … The look quickly faded as the blonde narrowed his visible eye in frustration and quickly inhaled his entire cigarette and breathing out a big cloud of smoke before chucking the stub over board and turning to stalk back off into the galley, slamming the door behind him.

What had just happened?

Was something wrong with her crew that she had failed to notice? …

Spats were something she could over look, but when something out of the ordinary occurs, like what she had just witnessed… It was something she needed to investigate further… This might call for a crew meeting…

005

This crew always seemed to amuse Robin… How they all interacted with one another and managed to pull off a more than functional crew was amazing to the archaeologist.

It was fun to watch them be silly and bicker and they were always good for a laugh and the best friends you could find when you're in a pinch. She felt herself smile at the thought of being in this crew and being part of their little family.

However… she felt her eyes steer from her book to a swordsman who was feigning sleep in a nearby corner. One of these nakama that she has grown accustom to was beginning to change… She had started to notice the change in the green haired man's behavior a few weeks back.

Ever since they had fought that battle with the marines, Zoro hadn't been the same. It seemed like a normal enough rendezvous with their enemy, which is why she couldn't put her finger on why this particular battle had struck something in the swordsman… unless it was because it was an ordinary battle? Though that wouldn't make sense… at least to her.

There was an ominous chill in the air directed at their little crew and she dreaded it. Robin had started to become attached to the group and would hate to see it fall apart or any harm come to it.

The dark haired woman however kept watch, taking note of his ever increasing changes and her nakama's growing awareness to this change. The cook had been the first to notice… Now that the navigator was aware, she was sure it would be brought to the captain's attention…

The captain was a strange one though… Though he appeared happy and free, she was sure that he took in more than he let on…. And then again…

She watched him shove straws in his nose and she let out a small giggle… He was definitely an amusing character… one that she would like to observe more.

Tonight she felt would be interesting.

006

Dinner was over and Nami watched as Zoro excused himself from the table to start his shift as lookout. She eyed the galley door for a few more moments before turning to her crewmates who were finishing up their dinner conversations.

"Has anybody noticed something weird with Zoro?" Nami started suddenly and surprisingly the whole crew stopped their talking and focused on her. She felt a little put on the spot since she had been expecting to have to repeat herself a few times before getting their full attention.

"Ah! You noticed it too? You're amazing Nami-swan!" Sanji swooned lightly over her.

"Something's wrong with Zoro?" Usopp questioned. He had felt something was wrong with the man when he had encountered him during his game of tag, but hadn't really thought of it as more than an irritated mood. Sometimes Zoro was like that…

Was Zoro acting all the different that the rest of the crew had noticed?

"Yes. Bushido-san has been acting very strangely over the past few weeks." Robin decided to through in her two cents on the situation. Usopp turned to look at the dark haired woman for confirmation.

"I suspect lack of sleep! Zoro is showing signs of chronic insomnia!" Chopper exclaimed, standing up on his seat. The long nose looked at the doctor and suddenly felt as though he was the only one who hadn't noticed.

"Stupid marimo hasn't been eating his food either…" Sanji said lowly as he lit up a cigarette. Usopp glanced at Zoro's plate only to see it completely empty and he frowned slightly and turned to look at the blonde again, pointing to the plate.

"But the plate is empty…"

"That's because you morons ate it all!" Sanji yelled in the general direction of Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper who in return stiffened at the reprimand. Nami bit her lip. If something was wrong with her nakama, she wanted to know, though the only course of action with this kind of decision was to be decided by their captain, who had remained uncharacteristically quiet throughout the whole conversation.

"Luffy? What do you think?" Nami decided to ask him and all eyes turned to their captain, awaiting his decision.

It was a few moments before Luffy smiled at the rest of his crew and put a hand on his hat.

"I think you're all over reacting."

"Luffy!" Nami yelled at him. Everyone but Robin seemed to be sharing her same thoughts about it.

"Something's wrong with Zoro and you're just going to ignore it?!" Usopp tried to make Luffy see the light a little bit. If something was wrong with one of his nakama, Luffy should be the first to act on it if he really cared for them.

Luffy turned to his long-nosed friend and frowned a bit.

"If something were bothering Zoro he'd let us know when he felt like it." Nobody could really say anything to this because they knew it was true. When the swordsman wanted to let them know what he's been thinking, he'd tell them. He wouldn't keep it a secret forever… Still…

"But Luffy…" Chopper whined, a dribble of snot already forming down his nose and tears welling up in his big eyes as he looked up at his captain. Luffy gave him a frown as well before standing up and nonchalantly casting out his last thoughts on the matter.

"You're all worrying too much," and with that Luffy left the vicinity, leaving Nami to watch the galley door close behind him. It was silent and Nami felt afraid by their captain's indifference towards their nakama's problems.

"Don't worry. Captain-san is also worried, even though he doesn't show it." Robin smiled at her shipmates for reassurance.

"Robin…" Nami looked at the dark haired women, her eyes searching the others to see if truth lied within her words.

"Robin-chwan…" Sanji was also surprised by the comfort that was offered to them.

Usopp made his way to the window on the galley door and peered through it to watch his captain walk towards the men's quarters, pausing to stop at the mast and cast a wayward glance up at his nakama's position before turning his head forward again and pressing his lips into a firm line before continuing to his destination.

007

A few days have passed since the meeting that had been called about the swordsman aboard the Going Merry. Everything had seemed fairly normal, all things considered. There was one marine ambush in which they had acquired a dinghy for purposes of checking out areas where Merry is unable to go. Other than that, it was clear sailing of the ocean blue.

The day was fairly uneventful as well. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner carried on without any major obstacles other than Luffy's stomach. The crew was currently retiring for the night.

The anchor was placed in the water and the sails had been draw. Usopp was heading for the lookout position when the world shifted positions.

Zoro let out a hefty sigh as he called out to his captain.

"Luffy!"

Luffy looked over at the call of his name to see Zoro staring at him. Something about this moment didn't feel right and Luffy felt like he needed to step back and away from what was coming, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop time.

"I'm leaving." Everyone stopped their doings and focused their attention on their captain and their swordsman. It was eerily quiet, almost like nothing else existed in the entire Grand Line at this moment. Not even the sound of the waves made it to their ears.

Had they heard him right?

It had to have been a play on their hearing, though they could all feel their hearts drop into the pits of their stomach… all suddenly feeling the need to brace themselves on something.

This couldn't be real. Zoro… one of their nakama would _never_ abandon them. Not Zoro.

Nami felt herself shake a little as she let out a broken laugh, causing everyone to look at her. This had to be a sick joke. She was convinced.

"Haha… ha…ha… You shouldn't joke around like that Zoro. We almost believed you for a second." She heard the words escape her lips, but she didn't believe them… She only hoped that by saying them that all of her will and hope would be able to back her up and make this a real joke.

"Yeah, really. You looked so serious about it…" Usopp says hesitantly forcing a weak smile and gaining some power to futilely prevent an ominous cloud from dominating their little ship's family.

Zoro remained silent and still, his gaze never moving from his captain who also stared back and Usopp felt his smile fall.

At that moment Sanji realized what was really going on and he could feel himself bite through his cigarette in hopes that it would make everything come easier.

"You're serious… aren't you?" Sanji heard himself say, not caring to hide the disbelief in his voice. There was a pause as everyone started to take in the fact that Zoro was not joking… Where did this come from? Why was Zoro even _considering_ this?

"You shitty marimo! What are you thinking?!" Sanji yelled at him, daring to take a step in the green haired mans direction, but feeling as though he could go no further.

"Zoro!" Chopper cries out, the tears already pouring down his furry face.

"Why are you doing this?!" Usopp becomes angered by this decision. How could Zoro betray them like this?

"You idiot!! Answer us! What the hell are you thinking?!" Sanji continues to yell at him.

Powerless. That is how they all felt right now… Powerless…

There was nothing they could do about this situation.

They were unprepared for it…

They hadn't seen this coming even with the signs…

And they felt helpless…

Lost…

Only finding comfort in the words yelled at the source of the problem.

Nami felt tears well up in her eyes as she watched her nakama and family dissolve suddenly before her very eyes.

Why was this happening to them?

She bit her lip as she couldn't take the pressure or the thought of losing one of her brothers anymore. She shut her eyes tightly before directing her attention to the only person who she knew could stand even the slightest chance at stopping the swordsman.

"Luffy! He's not using his head! Talk him out of this!" she desperately pleaded to the captain. Luffy began to stand up fully, turning to the former pirate hunter and placing a hand on his hat.

And suddenly…

"Ahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Ahahaha!" The dark haired boy's full laughter rang out through the silent and heavy dusk, silencing everyone and drawing their attention.

"Come on Zoro! Joke's over," Luffy missed the quick narrow of Zoro's eyes through his laugh that caused his eyes to squint shut, "I know it was funny to see everyone so worried, but-." Luffy was cut of by the sound of a clink.

The captain opened his eyes only to find a bandana-clad swordsman with a sword placed mere centimeters from his neck.

The laughter has ceased and the reality of the situation was beginning to sink in.

Their eyes met and they remained silent, allowing the others to watch on as the seemed to have a conversation that only they could understand. It was an admirable scene and yet intimidating at the same time. The connection required for two people to understand one another through sight alone was something to be admired… Yet… this connection made them seem more closed off to the world and in doing so made them intimidating to those uninvolved in the silent conversation.

The silence was sickening and the wait was murder for the crew. Nami almost couldn't bear it anymore. She was about ready to open her mouth and say something, anything to break the silence, when Luffy beat her to it.

Luffy slid his hand along the brim of his straw hat, feeling all the bumps and grooves before reaching the front and tilting it down over his eyes.

"I got it… Then you are no longer part of this crew Zoro." Luffy stated firmly and clearly. However, a small sad smile appeared on his face and with a quiet, whispery, and surprised voice he said, "You raised your sword against me."

And the walls came tumbling down as everyone turned to look at their captain.

What just happened? …

…

Zoro lowers his sword and begins to sheath it, making a silky and eerie noise.

Nami couldn't figure out where to keep her eyes: on her captain or on her nakama who was about to leave. Sanji was in the same predicament. Usopp rigidly stared at Zoro, clenching his fists as Chopper openly cried beside him. Robin watched the scene silently with dim eyes, reflecting on the situation.

Everything was happening so fast… It felt like a horrible, bad dream.

A nakama… A friend… One of their own family was walking away, right through their finger and there was nothing they could do about it. Things always felt like there could but a pause or rewind button, but… now it felt like they were on fast forward with no way to even turn and look back at what was happening. Like someone was pushing their aching hearts forward into this unbelievable mess.

There is the lonely dull thud of Zoro's boots walking calmly across the Going Merry to the side of the boat where the dinghy they had acquired was tired up.

As the tall man glides past them they can't help but think of all the memories they had shared with him.

Kuro.

Don Kreig.

Arlong.

Walpol.

Crocodile.

How many enemies have they faced together? How many moments have they shared with this man? How much of their lives have been dedicated to dreaming alongside this man?

How many laughs?

How many fights?

How much agony?

How much happiness?

How could this all just up and fall away? …

… How could he just up and run away?

Tears were falling freely over Nami's face. She felt sick. Usopp's face was streaming and Chopper began to wail. Sanji bit hard on his lip, drawing blood in order to stop himself from shaking.

This couldn't be it.

This couldn't be the last time they would see their friend…

They can't part like this!

They have so much more to do together… so much more to become!

And now…

Now…

… They have never felt so powerless as a crew up until now….

The moon was set for the night and the boots step into the dinghy. A final moment.

Zoro turned his head slightly towards his crew for what reason is unbeknownst to the majority of the crew who can no longer see past their own noses.

"Luffy." He says. The crew looks up at the direction of the voice, though they do not stop their tears nor do they unclench their fists.

Luffy however remains quiet, still, and stoic. Zoro pauses, not having expected Luffy to respond anyways, but hoping that his words could somehow alleviate any pain he has caused.

Though when only silence ensued, Zoro brought his head forward once more and pulled the rope that hoisted the dinghy next to Merry with a "Ja." Leaving them with nothing more than a splash of the small boat hitting the water and the sloshing of the ocean tide against the Going Merry.

* * *

000

Next Chapter: The Absence

A/N: Wow I actually finished this chapter? Yeah I wasn't expecting to do it tonight, but I did. It's about 3:40 am so if there's spelling errors. Oh well. Lol I'm not proof reading it I'm too tired and I'm lazy. But let me know what you think of the story so far. : ) I plan on continuing it and reviews make me work on things faster. Though if you like it you might have to wait because I'm going to balance the updates with my Naruto fic as well and those chapters are LONG!!! I had one chapter that was 38 pages…. Ridiculous! Lol Anyways just remember to R&R if you like it!! (And even if you don't!!) Thanks!!


	2. The Absence

**The Absence of a Swordsman**

* * *

000200

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!! Some of you were a bit confused as to the time this takes place. It's supposed to be after the Arabasta arc, but before the Skypeia arc. And don't worry, Zoro's reasons for leaving will be explained eventually. : ) lol But yeah it did seem a little weird after the latest chapter. I had started this story about a 1 year ago and never got around to finishing it, but the latest chapter reminded me about it and I somehow managed to finish it. Lol But again thanks for reviewing!! Means a lot to me!! : ) Also sorry for the lateness I've been so busy.

000

* * *

It has been nearly a week… Only a week and everything has just slowly been falling apart. Was their family so unstable that the absence of one could make it crumble like this? How could this happen…?

It had been nearly a week and yet it seems like only yesterday the green haired member of the Strawhat crew had announced his resignation as a pirate. The splash of the dinghy hitting the water and the look of indifference masked upon the swordsman's face would haunt Nami for the rest of her life.

Zoro was a part of her family. She had never been afraid to be herself around him just as she would any of her nakama. She would eat and joke with him. She could charge him interest when she lent him money and would laugh later at his looks of horror. She could rely on him in battle without worry...

Zoro was the first person, other than Luffy, that she had met on this journey… It was like losing an older brother…

But her sorrow and pain caused by this unforeseen turn of events had been swept aside by a new pain. What could be more painful than someone she cared deeply for leaving her tightly knit family?

Watching her tightly knit family react to this…

Watching Chopper cease to stop his sniffling of sadness. His fur was becoming a little matted around his eyes from all the tears.

Chopper was still very young and needed someone to lean on. Someone to idolize. Zoro was there for him when he needed that kind of support. He would push him to his limits, to make Chopper feel stronger and more like a man and drive him hard to become the pirate the little reindeer wanted to be.

She could see how Chopper looked up to the taller man. He was strong and fearless. Brave and loyal to no end. He was a model and exactly what Chopper needed in life besides companionship. And even then, the green haired man would give him that as well. He would pick up the little reindeer and put him on his shoulders from time to time and mess around with him as one would do to a younger sibling.

Yet the small one walked heavily around the deck, grinding materials for medicines and his Rumble Balls with less than normal enthusiasm. Losing an idol was hard.

Robin was a mystery with the situation. Her routine of reading her books did not change nor did she seem to be taking this particular loss to heart. She carried about the day as if nothing was wrong or missing. However, Nami did not let the dullness in the older woman's eyes go unnoticed.

Robin was a cunning woman and her eyes always held some sort of mischievous or amused glint in them. She must be feeling something along the lines of misfortune even though she did not appear to be acting any different. It was not in her nature to do so.

Then there was Sanji…

Sanji was taking this harder than she had imagined. Sanji who always doted on her hand and foot. Sanji who treated her like royalty and argued with Zoro as if he were dirt on his kitchen counter.

…

She knew that despite their constant bickering, Zoro and Sanji enjoyed each other's company. It was just that… Sanji was… Not being Sanji at all now… What had first caught her off guard was his lack of vigor when the more feminine members of the crew came in for food. She was referred to as "Nami" and Robin was "Robin." No silly little nicknames and no luscious meals or drinks reserved specifically for them.

In fact, Sanji's overall cooking and ability had gone down hill. Sanji was a man of passion and his passion could be seen most when he was working in the kitchen and it could be tasted in his food… Zoro had drove a lot of that passion into him with their fights and his honesty, leaving his meals less than up to par.

Now, with their friend gone and Sanji was left alone to take his frustration out on his cooking and the crew members, snapping when it wasn't necessary and making dinner spicy enough to the point where even Luffy had problems stomaching it.

Things were bad…

Usopp, being the active nonconformist that he was, had taken an entirely different approach to the situation and had been sad in the beginning, but had started to become bitter about what had happened. Watching all of his crewmates falling apart had angered him. Had made him become angry at Zoro for what he had done to them.

Usopp felt betrayed by his comrade…

The long nosed sniper took a lot to heart and was very aware of the difference in power between himself and Zoro, but that never stopped him from treating Zoro like he was an equal and vice versa. They had shared drinks together, hard moments, and intense battles as teammates. To suddenly up and leave like that… he had made him feel abandoned by the swordsman…

However, the most troubling was her captain, Luffy.

Luffy was downright miserable. He seemed lost at what to do in the situation… He was always in the frame of mind that his nakama would forever be there with him. If there was ever an enemy who threatened this thought, he would use whatever he had to knock them down.

The thought had never crossed his mind that one of the crew might want to leave of their own accord… and it took their captain off guard. It threw him off course pretty good.

It was a rude awakening to the world and he didn't have one of his closest friends there to help him through it.

Not only was he lost at sea, but he was depressed…

Luffy would spend hours, sometimes even the whole day, sitting up on Merry's head, staring out at the ocean as if it had all the answers in the world. He didn't eat and if he did, he only had a little. He did not laugh at Usopp's jokes as the sharp shooter tried to break his mood…

He didn't even smile…

Not once had he given any orders to the crew in the whole week. There were no strange adventures or sudden impulses from their captain. Nami thanked the lord that they had not had to endure any battles because frankly, Luffy didn't seem motivated to fight.

The crew had not lifted anchor in a week, since the day Zoro had left. It was like Luffy was waiting for the swordsman to come back. Waiting in the same spot so he could find them again…

It was like their life was on hold.

They were adrift at sea.

…

Nami looked sadly at her captain who stared at the horizon.

Something had to be done about this.

111

The sun was beginning to set over the horizon, casting its soft hues along the softly rolling waves of the sea. The rest of the Strawhat crew made its way slowly into the galley for dinner.

Meal times were usually very festive, loud, and hectic times for the crew, however, no loud mouthed captain was involved and there was no need to defend their food. Only heavy footsteps sounded quietly into the galley that night.

Remembering what she had to do, Nami cast one last glance at her captain who sat on the head of the Going Merry before averting her eyes to the floor and following the rest of the crew inside leaving Luffy with no comfort outside of the lonely click of the galley door as she slowly shut it behind her.

Dinner was quiet save for the clinking of forks and knives against plates and the random noises of the crew chugging down their drinks to soothe their mouths from yet another spicy meal. Dinner was no longer the warm and happy time where the crew would bond. It was almost a time of dread seeing how Sanji had been acting.

He would watch the crew eat with a glare on his face, chewing heavily on the end of a cigarette.

Nami would never draw attention to it, but his hand was shaking fiercely… She wasn't sure if it was particularly safe for him to be using knives in his condition as she carefully noted the few self-placed bandages on his fingers…

Chopper would not cease his sniffling. Robin did not gain back her glow and Usopp remained bitter.

Their captain would do nothing to move on from the spot… They could not move on unless their captain did…

They were stuck in a point of no return if they did not move on, she realized.

Placing her fork down suddenly, a few members of the crew looked at her as she bit her lip.

"Oi, Nami. Everything okay?" Usopp questioned their navigator. He reeled back in minor terror when her eyes looked up at him fierily, slamming her hand on the table.

"Of course not! One of our nakama has just up and left and now Luffy is sitting out there," she pointed through the galley window for emphasis, "with no more motivation than a clam has to live!" She huffed out her point.

"_Eeee_!" came the horrified sound of the sharp shooter as he found a equally frightened Chopper to hold onto through the words of rage that left the red headed woman's lips. Sanji was a little shocked at the outburst, not having expected such words to leave her sweet mouth. Robin seemed to acknowledge her and nodded, shutting her eyes.

"Navigator-san has a point," Robin stated and the adrenaline in the room seemed to calm a little by her soothing voice of reason. The attention was turned to her she realized and interlaced her fingers together, resting her chin on them as she leaned on the table.

"If Captain-san doesn't stand up to the situation, we will never move on from this loss." She stated it clearly and slowly for everyone to comprehend what the lack of motivation meant for their crew. Usopp and Chopper warily let go of one another and looked at the older woman.

It seemed to make sense, but they didn't want it to… If Luffy couldn't get over this bump in the road, what would it mean for them? For their dreams?

There would be no All Blue.

There would be no maps to be drawn.

No one would be able to be a brave warrior of the sea.

There would be no companionship nor knowledge gained.

There would be no _Pirate King_. The thing their captain has raved about and claimed he'd be. Had their captain lied to them? Would he not be strong enough to pull through for them?

No… Luffy was a great captain and he would _never_ let them down. They had more faith in their leader than that.

"Come on, Robin. Of course Luffy will get over this," Usopp put on a skeptical smile. "I mean, obviously he's going to be upset, but Luffy always gets back up again." Chopper found a little comfort in the liars' words and wiped away some tears that had begun to form.

Robin simply smiled at the sharp shooters words and wondered to herself if it was possible. She knew herself it was hard to move on from losses and she wondered how their captain would cope with such a thing. So far he has proved to be nearly indestructible physically and determined mentally… This crew and its captain were by far amusing and she felt the outcome of this entire ordeal would be interesting to see.

"Usopp's right!" the little reindeer said to himself with a little new found confidence that quickly faded. "Right Nami?" He turned to the red head for comforting words, but found nothing.

She bit her lip a bit in sadness.

She had faith in Luffy. She really did, but this kind of trial was hard to overcome… She knew all too well how hard it was to let go of someone… Bellmere had taught her that, however… She at least had Arlong to blame for her mother's death.

With Zoro… Zoro left of his own will and that brought a new kind of blow to their crew, let alone their captain. She didn't quite know much about Luffy's past and she wondered if he ever had to deal with anyone leaving him alone.

She knew he had, had a run in with the notorious Red Haired Shanks, which is where he got his hat from. Obviously the man was important to Luffy, an idol almost and he had up and left the boy in his wake… However, he left something with Luffy, something the boy could strive for to meet him again.

Zoro left the boy with nothing. Not even an affirmation that one day they would meet again. Something, anything to ease the reality of the situation. The swordsman had left everything brutally raw and clear cut for their captain to understand.

It hurt their captain. It hurt everyone on the Going Merry.

Internally she cursed Zoro for putting them in this situation, however she did not have Zoro around to blame. Their captain was deteriorating before their very eyes and no one was going to do a thing about it.

She needed to move on from this pain. Sanji needed to move on from this pain. Chopper, Usopp, and Robin needed to move of from this pain and by the sea gods she would _not_ let her captain drag the rest of this crew into his hell of despair. He was in need of a serious wake up call.

Suddenly finding a new strength, Nami stood up and turn towards the galley door, stomping as she made her way to it.

"Where are you going, Nami?" Nami flinched a bit at the sound of Sanji not using his customary nickname for her. This needed to end. Now.

She stopped at the door, her hand resting on the handle before looking back at the crew who looked on with interest.

"I'm going to talk to Luffy," she said simply and stepped outside into the cold night air.

…

Nami leaned against the galley door for a moment, allowing her body to adjust to the chilling breeze that flew over the nighttime seas. She could feel the hairs rise on her arms, making goose bumps on her legs.

Her newfound strength had suddenly disappeared with the warmth of the galley and as she stared ahead of herself to the front of the ship and the back of her captain, she realized how much more difficult this would be to overcome.

It was like her captain was leaking an ominous aura of depression and lack luster hope that was impossible to approach. It was very disheartening watching him sit there, staring at the ocean and the sun as it fell below the familiar horizon created by the never ending stretch of water and waves.

She felt like she should turn back and go inside with the rest of her nakama. Her hand slowly trailed against the wooden door towards the handle, resting it lightly upon the knob.

However, she drew back her fingers and clenched her fist tightly. Her pride would not let her do so.

She needed to do this for her nakama who were sitting in there, moping around like Zoro leaving was the end of their journey for them. She would not let the betraying swordsman do this to her family. All of their dreams and precious times together… Zoro had no right to take them away from them.

She was a thief for god's sake. She would just have to steal back whatever Zoro had taken from them… It would be easy as cake… right?

Nami listened to her own footsteps approach her captain, her heels clunking dully against the wooden frame. There was no other sound, no creaking of the ship to welcome her. She felt so very alone and so very small as she approached her mourning captain.

She was so drawn up in the feeling of vulnerability that she had not even realized that she had arrived at her captain's side and was staring at his blank face.

Her eyes dropped a little in sadness and pain.

This was not the Luffy that she placed her heart and being into, the one she had promised her allegiance to and had allowed her dreams to be governed by.

That sparkle of innocent mischief and determination to become the best no longer lit his eyes. Only the soft glow of the setting sun reflected off the dull orbs.

His goofy smile was replaced with a tight set frown. His aura of life was replaced by one that had just witnessed a traumatic experience, which it had. But it made him seem all the less approachable and incapable of sailing in the Grand Line.

It pained her greatly to see the man she put her faith into crumbling before her very own eyes. She needed to see Luffy as he was before. If Luffy could overcome this with a smile and retain his determination to become king, she was certain that the crew, herself included, could put all of this behind them and move on with their lives.

She wanted desperately for things to return to normal.

As she opened up her mouth to express this feeling to her captain, she was cut short by his voice splitting through the silent air around them.

"He's my swordsman," he said.

She looked up at him, slightly confused by his voice.

"Zoro." he repeated, "He has to be my swordsman, because he will be the greatest."

She felt a slight relief in his voice as he expressed the last part with the utmost admiration for the man that had left their crew. However, she bit her lip at the underlying meaning that Luffy had not yet moved on to determining what he would do about the situation. Her captain was so lost…

She bit her lip, allowing the pain to give her a small enough rush of adrenaline to say what needed to be said.

"Hey, Luffy," her voice betrayed her as it shook desperately in a questioning manner, an awkward smile on her face. The pit in her stomach tightened and she crossed her legs, fiddling with her fingers. "The crew… We're really worried about you," she tried to mention to him, but found their conversation fall flat.

Luffy gave no word to her signaling that he had even heard her. Her smile waned before falling completely and she could not longer take the stress of the situation, before turning quickly on her heel and retreating back into the warmer confines of the galley to explain her conversation to the rest of the crew.

Luffy waited till his navigator was long out of earshot, listening for the slam of the galley door for letting out a hefty sigh.

He had heard the red haired woman… He had heard her loud and clear…

But he had no words for her, no wisdom nor explanation or orders… He was at a loss, completely unsure of how to approach this new enemy of losing a nakama…

He had been giving it so much thought, despite what it may have looked like.

It was a blow to him that he had not seen coming, mostly because he believed in himself. Had he gotten too cocky?

He had believed that everything he was doing was for the best of his crew, that what he was doing would help them achieve their goals in life… But Zoro left.

The only reason Zoro had to leave would be if Luffy was failing him as a captain. The straw hat captain recalled one of their first conversations way back when Luffy had first started his career as a pirate.

Zoro had not lived up to his promise to give Luffy a world of hell if he obstructed him from becoming the greatest swordsman. Zoro had just simply left.

His departure had saddened him greatly and hit a deep spot in his being because Zoro, he had to admit, was closer to him in a way that the other crew members could not understand.

However there would be time to heal from the loss… What bothered him most at the moment was that he had somehow, without realizing it, let Zoro down. And it caused him to reflect on what he has done to prove to Zoro that he was incapable of leading him to the path of victory…

He couldn't respond to Nami either… He wondered if perhaps he was letting down the rest of the crew as well…

…

He sat in silence as the sun continued to dip below the horizon and he reached up, feathering the rim of his precious promise, pulling it off his head and staring down at the straw object as if it had all the answers for him.

"What do you do when you've failed one of your nakama?" he asked it… or perhaps he was asking Shanks. He wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he needed a little guidance in this hard time, facing two enemies more powerful than any he has ever encountered.

Loss.

And failure.

112

Nami tried to hold in the tears desperately as she let the conversation she had with their captain, sink in with her nakama. They stared at her, listening intently for once and she felt compelled to continue and say something else.

"Luffy's been with Zoro since the beginning. He was the first of us he's ever known," the words came out choked. No one really knew the order of who joined the crew at what time outside of the first three. Luffy, Zoro, and Nami.

No one ever asked, no one really even needed to know. What had always mattered to them most was that they were all there. The realization that Zoro probably knew Luffy better and longer than anyone present was startling.

The loss of your first nakama would be a blow harder than any punch or kick that the world could give.

Sanji left his mouth agape for a few moments as the helpless words of the navigator sunk in.

Suddenly, he clenched his fist and bit down on his cigarette, threatening to sever the stick of nicotine. This whole situation infuriated him.

How could Zoro do this to them? To Luffy? If he had been with him since the beginning then the moss head would know what his leaving would do to the captain. He knew Zoro was an asshole and a muscle head, but never once did he think the swordsman was cruel enough to do something like this.

It just pissed him off!

There was no one here to fight with him or help him dry the dishes. There was no one here to help him get his frustration out and it pissed him off even more that the person who used to help him relieve his anger was the one that was the cause of it.

"That stupid…" his voice was low, capturing the attention of the rest of the crew as he picked up an empty plate. "_Marimo head_!!" Sanji yelled as he threw the plate against the wall quite violently, letting it smash without remorse.

His anger reflected in the shards as they fell to the ground with a clink.

"That idiot!" He fell forward a bit, resting his hands on the table, digging his nails into the wood. "Doesn't that idiot know what he's doing to us?!" he mused to himself angrily.

"I swear I'm going to hunt him down and kick his ass into his brain!"

It was a sad sight for everyone, watching the proud cook as he spat words that covered up his own apparent sadness and anger. His words said hateful things towards the swordsman, but it was easy enough to see the frustration and despair their cook was feeling.

"I'm will…!" Sanji started, unsure of what he was going to say. There were so many things he wanted to do to the green haired man who had just up and walked out of everyone's lives. So many insults he needed to give and a lot of sense he needed to knock in. "I will…!"

"You will what? … Sanji…" the voice startled everyone who had been caught up in Sanji's rampage. All eyes, including the blonde's, snapped up to the galley door where their captain stood rigid and tall.

His eyes were covered by the shadow that was cast by his ever present hat. No one had heard him enter, but now that he was there, he had everyone's attention.

The tension in the air was thick since they had just been holding a meeting concerning their captain, without him. There was a wave of guilt spread over the crew, though if their captain noticed, he chose to ignore it.

They were waiting on his words, but he remained silent for several moments longer before looking down at the wooden floor of the galley.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said and it seemed to catch everyone off guard. They had been expecting many things to happen or for him to say, but an apology was not one of them. They were a bit confused as to why he was apologizing, but decided to keep quiet and allow him to explain himself.

"I've been failing you," he continued and the crew briefly wondered if Luffy was actually talking to them when he said this. "I need to be a stronger captain and I will move on from this bump in the tide…" He looked up at the crew, his eyes visible and sharp, a small spark of the life that was once there shone through the murky darkness that they had been filled with for the past week.

"I'm going to be the Pirate King, that will never change," he claimed with a little less enthusiasm than normal, though he felt he needed to tell himself this, to give him a boost in the right direction, for his nakama's sakes.

"I'm sorry for delaying your dreams…" he apologized one last time before turning around and heading for the door. "Tomorrow will be a new day." He placed his hand on the door knob. "I'll cover the night watch…" And with that their captain was gone.

The words were intended to be encouraging and hopeful for the crew, however, they seemed to have the opposite effect. The words lied to them with false hopes. It was like their captain was questioning himself and what he was doing.

Their captain had said that "tomorrow will be a new day," but could he really get over this ordeal in a night? It felt as though his words were there to give Luffy a push in the right direction, however they weren't sure as to whether or not he would follow through with them.

They had found no fault in him previously. Never once did he prove to them that he would fail them in some way… But now… If Luffy couldn't move on, neither could they… Their dreams would never be completed.

But this was Luffy… He was their nakama, their captain. They would and have given him their lives and they loved him more than anything in the world as they did each other…

Could they choose between their dreams and their beloved captain?

They looked at one another, suddenly realizing their predicament one by one…

Though…

The answer seemed simple enough to them all… at least for the time being.

Luffy was going to try for their sakes, or so he said, so they would give him a shot. They would keep their faith in his ability to overcome the newest obstacle. They would see where their friend and captain would take them.

000

* * *

Next: The Doubt

A/N: I got REALLY lazy towards the end if you couldn't tell. Sorry about that . Anyways, Sorry this is taking so long. I've been working on my Naruto fic, I'm trying to get it out of the way…. Let me put it this way, the last chapter for that fic was 60 pages long so it took me forever. But I'm going to rotate the updates so I go one chapter for Naruto and then one for One Piece. So You'll have to wait a bit for the next chapter : ( sorry lol But I'm in a One Piece mood right now so who knows if I'll stick to that decision. It's a change of pace and a break. Thanks for the reviews again!! : )


	3. The Doubt

**The Absence of a Swordsman**

* * *

000300

A/N: Ooookay so yeah I'm continuing this fic. Sorry for such a long time before updating ;.; I had an intense program I was doing for 365 days a year for 2 yrs from like 6:30 am to 7:00 pm and occasionally overnights (no holidays or vacations, etc). So needless to say I was busy. ^^* But I am back, I have several fics that I need to finish. I want to finish my Naruto fic, but that one is going to take me forever so I'm thinking of finishing Promise of the Hands (I only have one more chapter for it) and The Absence of a Swordsman before returning to my 300 pg fic. So stay tuned for more updates! :) There will probably be long times between updates (hopefully not as long as this last update) because I am also working on a comic of mine and working 7 days a week. So I will try and get things up when I can. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and faved! :)

Hopefully this chapter will shed some light on the situation as to why Zoro left in the first place. It was the only reason I could really see him leaving the crew (even then I'm stretching it) and I'm kinda glad some of the newer manga chapters gave hints as to what I was getting at when I started writting this fic several years ago. Enjoy! :)

* * *

000

It had been plaguing him for a long time.

Longer than he had cared to admit, though the weight of the situation he was currently in had only really made itself known a few weeks prior. Since those weeks the realization he had come to plagued every moment of conscious and unconscious thought. It wore on him, dragging him into an unfamiliar pit in which he was sure his nakama were aware of.

Why?

Because the horrible decision he realized that needed to be made reared its ugly head like a sea king gushing from the depths of the ocean to the surface of the water intent on swallowing a ship for a snack. Fast, unexpected, and strong.

It was a decision that was harder than any he's ever faced. It wasn't something easy like summoning the strength to plow through an enemy though your body is in ruins or finding the courage to shout bravely what you stand for. No...

It was cut down to a decision between your dreams versus your nakama.

A situation that he never in his life had expected to face, nor did he expect the heaviness associated with such a trial.

However... the matter that he had been giving thought to so persistently, as it deserved, was going to be settled now.

He had come to a decision. Either side of the coin he concluded would change his course of life from the romantic adventure it had become.

He pondered whether or not he should debate it one more time until he realized that he would accomplish nothing, remain at a standstill in his life if he did not make a decision now and keep it. In his mind that was worse than choosing.

With this final thought and a heart full of lead he stood solemnly and felt a hefty sigh escape his lips.

"Luffy!"

He watched those wide eyes find his own. They held the same traits that he both respected and could not help but come to admire as they had since the day they had first met. Yet now as he watched them focus on him he saw a cloud pass over them. He saw a sense of hesitation and an unwillingness to participate in the exchange that was to come.

It was almost like his captain knew what was coming, even if he didn't know what the situation itself would be about. He knew that _something_ was wrong. His intuitive nature surprised him on occasion, rightfully so considering the unbelievable demeanor that his captain normally carried out.

Luffy was like an animal that way. That sixth sense that allowed him to perceive severe threatening intentions and when an unpleasant situation was to occur. Just like an animal.

Zoro couldn't help the slight of humor that worked its' way into the boulder that had settled in his broad chest, making it a bit lighter. Though bitter.

"I'm leaving."

He could feel the eyes of the crew turn to him and the aura of the air thicken like the consistency of Skypian cloud. He didn't dare look at them though each of the sets of orbs demanded to be seen and heard. However, his business was not with them despite what they may beg to differ. His business remained with the law and word of the ship. Their captain.

"Haha… ha…ha… You shouldn't joke around like that Zoro. We almost believed you for a second," Nami said. Zoro could tell from the tone of her voice and the peripheral tenseness in her shoulders that she herself was having a hard time believing such a pitiful grasp at straws.

Zoro's face remained stern revealing no sign that he had even heard the denial from the girl.

"Yeah, really. You looked so serious about it…" Usopp's weak agreement sounded in the silent air. However his mind was made up, he told himself. He would not deviate from this course.

Zoro stood silent, still, eyes now locked with his desired subject.

"You're serious… aren't you?" Sanji was the first to voice what they all knew behind the denial they were trying to live in.

Nothing.

"You shitty marimo! What are you thinking?" Zoro heard none of the provocative words of his crewmate. He couldn't afford to. When it came down to a decision as hard as the one that he was throwing at his captain, he couldn't afford to let his determination slip through unnoticed.

Luffy needed to realize the sincerity of his words. He knew Luffy knew exactly what he was doing, how serious he was... but Luffy needed to let him go.

He needed the devil fruit user to let him go of his own accord. Preferably without Zoro taking dire measures. It was not the swordsman's intention to hurt Luffy. No, his care for his captain and nakama ran deep though not particularly voiced.

He was loyal. How could he not be? There were so many trials faced, so many chances to witness the magnetic wreaking ball that is his captain, so many miracles and chances to believe in this one person. It was nearly impossible to not hold true to a fierce allegiance like the one that he felt.

If he didn't get Luffy to agree willingly to let him go that fiend would chase him down. Wouldn't let him go. He would force him to stay without a choice. Just like when they first met...

And he couldn't stay.

He hoped with teeth grit and jaw set that Luffy would understand and accept his decision without him having to do something drastic. So he was set to ignore the protests and cries of his nakama in attempts to make his conviction and conscience clear to their captain.

"Zoro!" Chopper started to cry.

"Why are you doing this?" Usopp's hurt voice sounded in the silence.

"You idiot! Answer us! What the hell are you thinking?" Sanji pleaded.

"Luffy! He's not using his head! Talk him out of this!" Nami was desperate.

None of it was heard. The ring of silence was deafening in Zoro's ears. The only thoughts and voice he could perceive at this moment were those of the straw hat boy.

The solid silence created a perfect battlefield for the two. Wrapped in their own world in which the two of them could communicate freely without words their onlookers admired and feared their still correspondence.

Then suddenly…

"Ahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Ahahaha!" Zoro had lost when Luffy laughed.

"Come on Zoro! Joke's over," Zoro could feel his eyes narrow as he would be drawn to the last resort, "I know it was funny to see everyone so worried, but-," the sword at his throat held his words.

The green haired man could feel his annoyance grow. Within that connection that he had been vigorously holding with his captain he saw it. Luffy understood the level of gravity in question and had decided to take this route anyhow, pushing him to the edge. Daring him to put his ability to come back to the ship ever on the line.

It was a test that he felt he hadn't needed to receive.

Though here he stood with a sword to the throat of the man he unintentionally swore allegiance to and had followed since the time when it was just the two of them in no more than a dinghy.

Luffy had no choice now however. Zoro had raised his sword against him and not just in the playfully threatening manner in which their little family seemed to function with.

If the crew had seen their captain willing to accept back someone who was intent on harming them by leave of a sword they would lose faith in his judgment. Whether or not the remaining crew would be aware of it.

It was a crime amongst pirate crews to raise your weapons against your captain or another nakama and he prayed to a god that he didn't believe in that Luffy would not push the issue farther. Should he have to truly fight Luffy over this matter... The boy would be seen as desperate and the respect for him would be lost further. Again whether or not they would be aware of it.

It wasn't something he wanted to do to his captain. Not if he could help it...

So he gave a clear choice as their eyes met once more hiding no form of hesitation, because within that instant of doubt Luffy would be granted the ability to call a bluff and Zoro would be cleared of his supposed crime. Forgiven.

His intent had to be real.

He narrowed his eyes further, pupils contracting for emphasis. He would not let this escalade past what it had to be.

Then there was a break in the clouds that had surrounded the two in their silent duel and Luffy reached up, sliding his hand along the brim of his familiar straw hat. Zoro could feel the small bead of sweat running down the side of his face as the moment where he would truly be casted away fell nearer. The hat tilted to hide his captains' eyes.

"I got it… Then you are no longer part of this crew Zoro." the smile that crossed his lips surprised the swordsman slightly though it did not show, "You raised your sword against me."

The green haired man could not help the flood of relief that filled his muscles. It had felt like he had been standing there for an eternity on Little Garden, waiting for Luffy to accept his resolve to leave their family... though he could not deny the heavy pit that had sunk into his gut, festering in the area of his haramaki.

He lowered his sword as it had served its' purpose and without further word turned on heel, heading to the stolen dinghy they had acquired.

He was almost there.

As he passed by several of his fiercely crying nakama he swallowed strongly not daring to look at them... Until he had made it to the boat.

He was unsure at the time as to what possessed him to do so. Guilt perhaps? No one had done anything wrong and yet he could hear them suffering at their loss. It was a fact that as one of their own, he was loved. And so were they.

But just as he was about to drop to the sea waiting below the need to explain himself, to tell them that they will be missed and he would hope to meet them someday, to alleviate those damn tears of theirs and that lost expression within his captain's eyes fleeted through his mind.

"Luffy," he caught himself saying turning to spare a last glance. The words he wanted to speak hung on his lips as he made eye contact for the last time.

He paused for what seemed like forever, no words forming from his thoughts. They would only give false hopes to them that he might not be leaving for real. That there would still be time for him to come back. But there wasn't.

"Ja," he lowered himself to the water with that final consideration.

It wasn't until the Merry Go was out of sight that he realized the splitting pain in his head caused by the heavy feeling in his heart. Slightly crippled he clasped his swords for comfort and though he questioned his decision one more time, he knew he couldn't go back.

He had something he must do.

111

The waves created by the swell of the ocean rocked him gently as the surprisingly uneventful drift carried on. The smell of salt rose to his nostrils and the sun beat down on his warmed and scarred skin.

The figures from several weeks ago danced behind his closed lids as he recalled the epiphany that led to his current predicament and his decision of a few days prior.

It had started off as any other normal day on the Going Merry, food was stolen, people made fools of themselves, people were beaten mercilessly for being fools, and a Marine ship had found them. It was a simple Marine ship that happened to be on patrol and crossed their paths.

The people on board were no stronger than your average soldier so they were in no particular threat when the Marines could not hold back their desire to uphold justice and attempted to board their smaller ship by ramming it with their larger one.

Several men and women with swords ran towards them, completely underestimating the crew they were about to face. Robin and Nami had held back, continuing to do whatever they had been occupying themselves with at the time as Usopp ran behind the mast with Chopper out of battle range. Sanji in the middle of fixing lunch had pawned off the duty of protecting the ship to Zoro and Luffy.

It was probably a good idea as their captain hadn't seen land in nearly two weeks and was becoming restless on their ship, causing a little more trouble than normal. It would do him some good to wear him out a bit.

The men they fought were small fry and the two had made quick work of them before sailing off and leaving the proud soldiers to recollect themselves in the sea.

Zoro sat down against the railing of the deck, swords clasped in his arms and a knee up to lean on in a thinking position as Luffy wailed on in the background. It was here that he pondered at exactly what point in that battle had he realized that his promise to Kuina had not been on his mind.

Nowhere in that particular battle had he thought once of his goal to further his swordsmanship abilities...

He had not been fighting for himself, to advance himself.

There had been another purpose to his fighting and though he had a slight inkling to what it might have been, the fact remained that it had scared him.

This second purpose that he had somehow found in life, he realized, had been taking over his dream suddenly.

He supposed it had not been the first time that this had crossed his mind... that there may be a second goal in his life that he was still unaware of fully. His reckless actions in several situations he could recall were contributions to its existence.

But... as he fought alongside his captain, each watching each others' back despite their knowledge and intuition that neither would be in any real sort of danger, he had become aware.

His goal ever since Kuina had died was to become the worlds' greatest swordsman. Since joining Luffy his promise to become the greatest had extended from just the girl from his past. Luffy would need him to be the strongest as well and he had let any worry that becoming a pirate would deviate him from this course of action slip away. Being with the future King of the Pirates would guarantee that he would never lose sight of his goal.

Right?

... It was a stupid, careless idea and so he sat in his boat, drifting to hopefully the next piece of land that he could find.

The choice had been difficult to make and so he took his time carefully deciding what to do. Obviously this mysterious dream of his had formed from something involving his captain that much he was sure of and it had so suddenly taken over his _ambition_. It crept up on him like an owl on midnight mouse. So silent and swift you didn't even know it was there until you were too firmly in its clutches to escape.

It was frustrating to him that he didn't understand this purpose he had created for himself well enough. He couldn't weigh it against his desire to become the greatest particularly well and that was what made him sick on the inside.

The issue had been, though, that since this newfound objective in life was somehow centered around the captain he was so loyal to he would have to leave if he wanted to be rid of it.

However... This other goal was important to him in some manner. He _wanted_ to stay with his nakama on the Merry Go hence its significance in his decision.

Yet... If he stayed as he had been, his swordsmanship abilities would take the backburner. He couldn't do that to Kuina...

...

That is why he left the crew...

The reason for leaving almost seemed so trivial now that everything around him is so quiet. That he was alone.

He felt the boat run aground in some gravel. He ignored it as the waves slosh against the now mostly stationary object in the water.

His eyes opened and he looked at the bright sun, fingers laced across his chest.

Sanji.

Robin.

Chopper.

Usopp.

Nami.

... Luffy...

How were they doing? He felt his face grimace a little and he furrowed his brow at the twinge of regret he was feeling in his decision.

He hopped out of the boat, water soaking his boots and heaved the small craft onto shore and left in search of...

... Something...

...

"I hope they don't get lost... Nah, Nami is pretty smart."

* * *

000

Next Chapter: The Dupe

A/N: Hopefully that gave you a little insight as to why he left. It's kind of a fuzzy reason, because while I understand it fully, Zoro does not yet. Hence why the "purpose" is not entirely clear in this chapter. Sorry that its' so short, but it's just Zoro's POV and he's the only one interacting with himself in this chapter so there was no reason to drag it on like the others.

*******Also I apologize if my writing skills have decreased as I haven't written anything in a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time. On another note, there should be about 7 chapters for this fic. Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon and should be mildly happier than these previous chapters. ^^* Thanks!********


End file.
